Happy Holidays, everyone! A lot has happened since I last updated the blog over a month ago. I finished my second-to-last semester of college, Christmas has come and gone, and for anyone who missed it, I shaved my eyebrows completely off after raising almost $1,000 in the week after Thanksgiving. To my surprise, the little buggers are growing back quite rapidly (thank goodness, because without them I barely looked human). I offered to shave my head too for the price of $1,400 which would have brought me to my goal of $5,000 and although we haven't made it there yet, I want to thank to each and every one of you for allowing me to say that I have raised $3,934 (as of December 30, 2022) to support young adults impacted by cancer. I feel so lucky to be doing this and I recognize the great privilege it is to dedicate time to serve myself by serving others (not to mention going on a 70-day bike ride fresh out of college). While some of you have looked at me funny and called me crazy for choosing this as my post-graduation escapade, not a single person has urged me to reconsider or even questioned my decision. On the contrary, you all have provided me with a truly beautiful experience and valuable lesson; despite not fully understanding my preferred mode of higher education, you've still excitedly showered me with love and support. I do not and will never take these sentiments for granted.
Seriously though, why am I doing this? I've touched on this question in previous posts but I thought I'd revisit it and provide a bit more depth to my ever-evolving, loquacious* answer.
I hit send on my introductory email to the 4K team after giving myself some time -- one night -- to think it over. I remember feeling that this was destiny (I know, so dramatic!) and as if I had no choice but to sign up. I've always heard people describe their careers and/or life choices as feeling 'right' -- in other words, they had a 'gut feeling' that told them they were on the right track. Then there's those lucky souls who say that the first time they saw their partner, they knew they'd spend the rest of their life with them. I never really understood these claims but as I reflect on my decision to join 4K, I recognize that it was far from calculated. Before June 27th I basically zero fundraising experience, very little connection to cancer, and never heard of the Ulman Foundation. Still, on June 30th I pledged to raise $5,000 for them and spend 70 days cycling across the country with an undetermined team of complete strangers. My typical conservative intellectual approach to decision-making -- this has resulted in indecision more than well-thought-out resolutions -- was overridden by the simple fact that it felt right. Since registering, that feeling has been tested and proven true repeatedly and I've gradually become obsessed with the Ulman Foundation and 4K For Cancer. My interest in helping others has been affirmed and the radius of my comfort zone has grown significantly -- the benefits of which manifest much more in my heart and soul than in any donation I've received. I've spoken to more peers and strangers this semester than ever before, embarked on many adventures I would have never dreamed of attempting, and explored uncharted territories of my mind, body, and soul.
When I get lazy or revert to old habits, there's a perpetual whisper that exists in the back of my head, constantly reminding me what deserves my attention and what doesn't. When I listen to it, I'm always rewarded in ways that I hardly deserve. Prime example: the craziness that occurred on Giving Tuesday and the days that followed were a result of what I call a "sleepy-time thought"** that came the night before and was hastily completed around 7am in place of reviewing for my Anatomy & Physiology exam at 9:30. This return to social media after a month-long hiatus ended with an extra $900+ for my fundraising page and most valuable to me, a deeper connection to my family, friends, and strangers who decided to support me. This being one of many instances of great succor, it has been made clear to me that this endeavor is one that merits my attention. Despite my distaste for social media, I'm invariably satiated after spending hours creating content*** or connecting with you guys (like when you witnessed the confiscation of my eyebrows live!). I must admit that much of this fuel is filling my own selfish tank and although I'm far from a proponent of neoliberalism, I do believe that my supply is already overflowing into others'. Despite my lack of success in recruiting an additional 4K rider thus far, I hope that all the fliers, posters, pens, and coasters that I've distributed have brought more attention to the Ulman foundation and more awareness to the difficulties that come with a cancer diagnosis. I'd like to think that I'm helping inspire more compassion and thoughtfulness in the people I connect with. If nothing else, I've surely planted at least a few seeds that someday may grow (maybe even into a 2024 rider/runner!).
As usual I think I got a little off topic, probably because it's hard for me to explain the emotional and intellectual reasons behind my interest in cycling across the country in support of young adults with cancer. I chuckled as I typed those last 12 words because to me the answer exists within the question -- I think Y'ALL are crazy for not wanting to do this! When discussing the decision with a friend a few weeks ago, he labeled it as a big commitment. I quickly explained that, to me, it isn't; to me, entering into another 2+ years of school or starting a career is a much more massive commitment. Sometimes I wonder if I'm using 4K as a way to avoid commitment, but then I remember that feeling that assures me this is right. After hearing 99% of people older than me share their regrets for not doing things like this, I want to be part of the 1% have no regrets. At this point, maybe I should just make a list of all the great things (I think, anyway) about 4K:
- Supporting a great and necessary cause
- Hearing the stories about the incredible patients we will be riding for
- Connecting with amazing people from Ulman, on campus, and eventually all (well, a lot) of America
- Learning about nonprofits and fundraising
- Gaining confidence to explore new worlds (physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually)
- Challenging myself like never before (physically, mentally, etc.)
- Seeing a large chunk of the country... on a bike!
- Grappling with fears and limitations (imposed upon me by others and myself)
- Being part of something much bigger than myself
- Discovering endless possibility
- Proving the power of plants ;)
- Starting my life of service
- Fresh air
- Sunrises
- Sunsets
- Clouds
- Ok, I'm getting carried away but you get the picture, I'm excited
Ultimately, I think the best and most simple answer I can provide is not mine at all and instead comes from George Mallory, an English Mountaineer who was amongst the early attempts to climb Mount Everest in the 1920s. When asked why he and so many others desired to climb to the highest peak on the planet, Mallory retorted "because it is there."
In my typical fashion, I once again conclude by apologizing for the lengthy post but I hope it made some sense and brought you some enjoyment! There's a good chance I'll be back for a "Why Am I Doing This? (Pt. 2)" before you know it.
Every time I write one of these I come up with a couple more ideas for blog posts so if you're into them, be on the lookout for some more -- I'll definitely be posting another one Sunday to quickly share my plans for the New Year. Thanks so much for reading and for all the support <3
Happily,
Hayden :)
*One of my favorite things about writing is finding new words to use like loquacious! The only problem with this is I sometimes use the new words incorrectly. Give me some grace, they're too cool not to try!
**After having many ideas come to me in the night and leave without a trace by morning, I decided to keep a piece of paper -- titled "Sleepy-Time Thoughts"-- and a pen next to my bed dedicated for the capturing of these slippery little scallywags.
***Typing "creating content" just feels wrong and makes me feel like such a cornball!
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